twilight in my neighborhood

Walking around in the winter twilight of mid-January I shot some pictures of my neighborhood.

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twilight in my neighborhood

my tiny apartment

People have asked me if my tiny apartment bothers me, and I have to say that my answer is no. There are certain features that annoy me at times, but on the whole, since I am much happier here in Paris, that extends to my experience of this tiny space.

My apartment is about 20 meters squared, or 215 square feet.
It’s a studio, so everything is in the same room, bed, desk, and kitchen; it’s all one space.
I have one tiny closet, that luckily seems to fit all my clothes, because I only brought two suitcases with me to Paris.
I quite like the mini-fridge, I never filled up a regular American sized fridge as a single person anyways.
I live on an upper floor, but I have an elevator!
The building has a gardienne that is very nice.
I live in the 15th arrondissement, walking distance from the Eiffel Tower; though I cannot see it from my apartment, it does appear between buildings when I am walking around the neighborhood.
So yeah, overall my tiny apartment is great.

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my view

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my tiny apartment

a little about me

My name is Clare. I have just reached my 30th year of life on this planet.
I moved to Paris about a year ago, in February 2015. So I am one year into my adventure here.
I was previously living and working in the DC metro area of the United States. I quit my job to live in Paris and perfect my French language skills.
I spent a year abroad in Paris 10 years earlier in 2005/2006, and was a French major at Wellesley College at the time. Ever since, I have wanted to return to Paris.
So I decided to become a student again, and take classes at the ILCF (Institut de Langue et de Culture Françaises), a program for foreigners learning French, which is part of the Institut Catholique de Paris (ICP). My teachers are fantastic. It has been a really great experience to take French classes again, and to be a perfectionist about my progress in French. Plus, I’ve learned a lot taking civilization classes (classes geared towards learning French, but focused on a specific subject related to French civilization).
And even though my French wasn’t as rusty as I had originally thought, it was a really good idea to take classes while picking the language up again, it helped to correct lots of little mistakes I was making.
Adjusting to life in France this time has been harder than I remember.
I spent the first 10 years of my life living outside the US because my family followed my father through his foreign service postings in Canada, Brazil, and Italy. Europe, because I spent such formative years there, has always felt like home to me. And before college, it felt more like my home than the US most of the time. It was only through my college experience, and then my experience in the workplace in the DC area, that I began to feel more American, and more integrated into American culture. Even though both my parents are Americans themselves, they both spent many of their younger years outside the US as well (my mother in Italy, my father in Spain). So I was raised American, but with a huge influence of European values, and an appreciation of the European way of life. One of the worst experiences in my young life was adjusting to the US when we finally moved there in the 90s. I have felt fundamentally apart from it for most of my life. Critical of things I didn’t agree with, and suspicious of the nationalism I saw. Especially after 9/11, when my high school classmates seemed to devolve into echoes of their parents’ cries for vengeance after the attacks.
So I have spent most of my life wishing to return to a European way of life. But I didn’t harbor dreams of Paris as a picture perfect oasis, as depicted in posters and kitchy knickknacks found in every store across the US. I had only visited Paris once, but I knew that for my junior year abroad that I wanted to work on my French, and I wanted to be in a city, so that meant one thing: Paris. And my year abroad was wonderful, I made amazing friends, I had the most lovely host family, and I enjoyed my classes. Plus the Sweet Briar Junior Year Abroad program was really great, with an awesome staff.
I hadn’t realized until now how much was taken care of for me when I was in college and studying abroad. Perhaps it is just that now, in having to do everything myself, I feel the psychological weight of being alone in a foreign country, but it just feels like too much sometimes. Or at least, it felt like too much when I arrived. Looking for an apartment felt like a daily nightmare. Visa stuff is so stressful and frustrating. Trying to communicate with people and making mistakes, or not having enough confidence in what I am saying that the other person thinks I’m making a mistake and doesn’t understand me. Trying to speak French over the phone (so hard!). Dealing with a whole different health system (plus side: full price is still WAY cheaper than the US, even with health insurance). I haven’t had to make this many new friends since I was in middle school. Everything was so intense, and all at once. And I had known it was going to be hard, but yikes!
Although, to really do this, to move to Paris, I had to just not think too much about the challenges. If I had made a list of all the many obstacles for apartment hunting in Paris I would have scared myself off of the whole thing. I needed to dream about finding the perfect Paris apartment, and imagine a different life in order to really get here. So like I said in the beginning, clear-eyed, but with some dreams. A dash of cynicism, and a dash of optimism. They’ve gotten me through, in equal measure.
And one year in, I am happy to say, it was definitely worth it. All of it. Both the struggles and the successes. Because they brought me back to myself. I feel more like myself than I have in years. And I proved to myself that I can do it, alone. And I have to say, that is absolutely invaluable.
So here’s to Paris and my time here, that above all, will leave me changed, and the better for it.

a little about me

welcome!

Welcome to Paris, through my eyes.
The name of my blog comes from my desire to be “clear-eyed” about my time living in Paris; to see things without the gloss of Parisian dreams, but instead to see them as they really are. That said, I intend to keep my deep love and appreciation for this city, and the gleam in my eye of dreams to come. So a dash of cynicism and a dash of optimism.
I want to invite you to follow me as I live my life in living color, now, in Paris!

About this blog

welcome!